Cincinnati Bengals vs Denver Broncos

Ladies and gentlemen, pull up a chair and pour yourself something strong, because what we witnessed on September 29th wasn't a football game — it was a crime scene! The Cincinnati Bengals walked into Denver looking for a fight and left looking for a witness protection program. It started with a pathetic little nudge from E.McPherson, who slotted home a 26-yard field goal to give the Bengals a 3-0 lead that lasted approximately as long as a New Year's resolution. Before the first quarter could even breathe, B.Nix decided he'd had enough of the pleasantries, scrambling for a 6-yard touchdown that sent the Mile High crowd into a frenzy and signaled that the Bengals were officially in for a very, very long afternoon.

By the second quarter, this wasn't even a contest; it was a glorified practice session for the Broncos. M.Mims danced his way into the end zone on a 16-yard stroll, followed immediately by B.Nix launching a missile to C.Sutton for a 20-yard touchdown strike just before halftime. At that point, I actually checked my watch to see if the game was over early, because watching Cincinnati try to move the chains was like watching a snail run a marathon in quicksand. They spent the entire second half essentially playing "garbage time simulator" while B.Nix eventually put the finishing touches on the funeral with a 12-yard touchdown pass to R.Harvey in the fourth. A final score of 28-3? That's not a rivalry, folks — that's an eviction notice!